seful advice?


  1. Whenever you want to kill yourself, think of how much your sins hurt Jesus on the cross.
  2. Take a bubble bath. You'll feel better...
  3. Pull yourself up by your bootstraps.
  4. Think of all the people in Afghanistan who would give anything just to have your life.
  5. Have you tried St. John's wort?
  6. How about a nice cup of Sleepytime herbal tea?
  7. Just get drunk, you'll forget all about wanting to kill yourself.
  8. Smile on the outside and pretty soon you'll be smiling on the inside.
  9. Oppose each negative thought with a positive thought.
  10. Have you tried going to the circus? The clowns will cheer you up.
  11. Go to see a comedy at your nearest movie theater. Laughter is therapeutic.
  12. Go to a therapist. Talking about it will make it go away.
  13. Why don't you put on nailpolish and make-up? If you look your best, you won't want to kill yourself.
  14. Take a weekend trip to Atlantic City.
  15. Have you tried sex? That should cheer you up.
  16. Eat a dozen doughnuts. The sugar will improve your mood.
  17. How about caffeine?
  18. How about amphetamines?
  19. Cocaine cheers me up... I'll introduce you to my dealer.
  20. How about a ride on the roller coaster at Coney Island? You can't be that scared and be depressed at the same time...
  21. I can set you up with my boyfriend's cousin. A nice date is just what you need.
  22. Stop complaining about it. You're making yourself depressed.
  23. I'm praying for God to give you the strength to make it through. Why don't you pray, too?
  24. How about going to a rave? The music is so loud you won't be able to concentrate on being depressed.
  25. Have you tried jogging? Exercise releases endorphins.
  26. What you need is a little real trouble in your life. Then you would know that this depression thing is a bunch of nonsense.
  27. Go and volunteer at a soup kitchen. You will feel better if you are helping someone else.
  28. Have you tried keeping a journal? Writing is cathartic.
  29. Read The Anatomy of Melancholy.
  30. Read the latest Harlequin Romance. Happy endings make people happy.
  31. Read Angela's Ashes. Those boys were starving and all you are is sick in the head.
  32. Think of all the poetry Sylvia Plath would have written if she hadn't killed herself.
  33. Think of all the poetry Anne Sexton would have written if she hadn't killed herself.